Feedback: A dirty Word?
What We Know
1. Employees fear, yet want and need feedback.
2. Most training is focused on the giver of feedback, not the receiver.
3. No matter how skilled a feedback giver is, the receiver determines the outcome.
Although feedback is crucial for people to grow, be successful, and manage their working relationships, it is inherently stressful for both the giver and receiver. Feedback conversations provoke strong emotions and trigger defensiveness. Our brains are not wired for it – especially receiving feedback. Data shows that the stress involved in receiving feedback can make the situation counterproductive and may even cause a decrease in performance.
“Six of the scariest words in the English language are: ‘Can I give you some feedback?’” – Ed Batista
We Can’t Ignore Emotions
The prescribed steps in the classic model of feedback no longer suffice. We need to go on the assumption there is fear built in and we need to practice an adaptive process that manages those emotions. Even if the giver focuses on the other person’s behavior instead of the person or the attitude, the receiver still experiences psychological triggers that cause them to feel threatened. Giving feedback is also challenging and uncomfortable. As a result, there is a tendency to avoid feedback.
Be Mindful of the Social Threat
The name you give this practice is critical. A quick google search for synonyms of the word feedback yields strong negative words like criticism, rebuttal, retaliation, and accusation. Instead of using the word ‘feedback’ when naming the conversation or meeting, choose words that describe your intent; for example: discuss progress or open a dialogue.
Let go of the old terms ‘negative’ and ‘positive’ feedback. Those terms came from the original scientific theory of feedback and do not translate well to management theory. Think of feedback as either reinforcing or corrective. Both are beneficial and both are necessary. Research shows that a person should receive 7 reinforcing conversations for every corrective conversation. (Read our next post to learn more about reinforcing and corrective feedback.)
If feedback conversations are frequent, informal, and nonthreatening, and the receiver is receptive, Then the feedback is more likely to be mutually beneficial.
Make Giving and Receiving Feedback a Required Skill
There are things that can be done individually and throughout your organization to make feedback conversations less stressful and more effective. Designate ‘giving and receiving feedback’ as a required skill. Encourage leaders to have regular, routine conversations where they give and receive feedback. Train all managers and supervisors how to communicate feedback effectively. In addition, educate all employees how to receive feedback.
Questions to Deepen Thinking?
· What are the consequences when feedback doesn’t go well?
· What will changing your approach to feedback get you?
· If you don’t develop your feedback skills, what could happen?
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